Saying goodbye is hard and for many, a grueling thing to do. How do you let go of someone who has been such an important part of your life? There have been so many memories created between the two people. It requires a lot of change to happen on the part of both individuals because the routine that was created has been disturbed. Maybe that is the problem. Our goodbyes have become focused on the change that is about to happen. We are known to resist change, thus it makes goodbye such a difficult thing to do. I want to propose a new concept of goodbye, taught to me by the villagers of rural Maharashtra. It isn’t a goodbye that mourns the physical absence of a friend, lover, family member or colleague but rather celebrates the relationship of the two individuals.
As an Indicorps fellow living in rural Maharashtra, I have increased my network of close friends tenfold over the past year. I had no idea that I would develop such close meaningful relationships that have forever changed the way I view the world. They have taught me how to live and love. They allowed me to see beyond my work schedule and career goals. I am no longer focused on checking off things on my to-do list; instead I am living my values. I leave in one week’s time and I am unlikely to see most of these people ever again. It would be a nightmare for the goodbye-a-phobics. But my friends here allowed me to see beyond their physical absence in my life, which is making the process of leaving much easier.
I went to Shendiwadi yesterday, a village in rural Pune district where Archana, a close co-worker lives. I wanted to say goodbye to her family. I wondered how it would go. Would her family be brought to tears as I bid a final farewell to them? Indians are known to be overly emotional. How would I manage myself in that situation? This morning as I sat talking to Archana, her brother and father left on the motorcycle. I wondered if they would be back in time so I could say goodbye. They were not. Then her mother got ready to go to the farm for the day. She waved goodbye from afar and asked if I would come again. I shook my head and said likely not. She said try, and she went on her way. I stood dumbfounded. Was this an insult to me? I had come to say goodbye and spent the night staying in a house that was a haven for animal to human disease transmission. I risked sleeping with goats, chickens, cats and dogs for a mere see you later. What was this?
It was a momentary feeling of anger which I eventually redirected to reflect on why goodbye for her was so easy. I learned an important lesson from Archana’s mother. She had said numerous times throughout my stay that she would think of me when her daughter goes out to the field for work and sees the devotion with which she works or when she sees a person drinking bottled water she will better understand why. The goodbye she gave me was not a traditional one in the western sense, because my relationship with her will continue, even if I am not physically there.
We put such a strong emphasis on the material presence of a person, that when he/she is gone, there is a momentary pause where the two people are unsure of what to do next. It is as if a piece of them has been lost in the distance that has been created. That material aspect has become the only aspect of goodbye. But there is another component that we neglect. That is the emotional connection that has been formed. That will always exist, even if the person is not standing in front of you. Each person has had an impact on the other, which has helped shape the person’s life in some form or another. Their physical features, clothes and look are just the means through which the message was delivered.
I’ve realized that all the people who I cross paths with will be ever present in my life. Archana’s mother taught me that every thought or action of mine which is motivated by the people who I have met this year is a testament to their presence in my life. I will not be torn when I bid my final farewell to the villagers of rural Maharashtra. It may be our last physical union together, but it is not goodbye. Instead it is see you in the thoughts and actions that you have inspired me to do.
